just wine

The song “Online” performed by Brad Paisley. LYRICS: I work down at the pizza pit And I drive and old Hundai I still live with my mom and dad I 5’3 and overweight I’m a Sci-fi fantatic Mild asthmatic Never been to 2nd base But there’s a whole nother me That you need to see Go check out MySpace Cause online I’m down in Hollywood I’m 6’5 and I look damn good I drive a Mazarati I’m a black belt in Karate And I love a good glass of wine It turns girls on that I’m mysterious I tell ‘em I don’t want nothing serious Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way Chat with two women at one time I’m so much cooler online So much cooler online I get home, I kiss my mom And she fixes me a snack I head down to my basement bedroom And fire up the mac In real life, the only time I Ever even been to LA Was when I got the chance with the marching band To play tuba in the Rose Parade. Online I live in Malibu I posed for Calvin Kline, I’ve been in GQ I’m single and I’m rich And I got a set of six pack abs that’ll blow your mind It turns girls on that I’m mysterious I tell ‘em I don’t want nothing serious Cause even on a slow day I can have a three way Chat with two women at one time I’m so much cooler online Yeah I’m cooler online When you got my kinda stats, it’s hard to get a date Let alone a real girlfriend But I grow another foot And I lose a bunch of weight everytime I log in Online I’m out in Hollywood I’m 6’5 and I look damn good Even on a slow day, I can have a three way Chat with …

Starting the Wine, or How to Open A Bottle Of Wine with Your Car Keys


Image by Coco Mault
I don’t know why we thought we would be able to carry on a bottle of wine in our luggage on our way home. But I certainly didn’t think the following would be our other option — it’s much more entertaining!

The guys checking over the luggage pulled out the bottle of wine from our suitcase and said, "You can’t bring this on the plane. You can check your luggage or leave it here with us. Or, you know, when’s your flight? If you got time, you can go back out and drink it."

Max and I hemmed and hawed. I didn’t want to check my luggage because I didn’t have a lock for it and there were other fragile things packed in there.

"Well, is it going to go to waste? Will somebody atleast get to drink it?"

We didn’t get a very sure answer. One of the guys looked at the bottle, holding it in his blue latex search gloves and said, "Oh, this is a good bottle of wine, too."

"Aw! Don’t say that!" I said.

"We’ll give you some cups if you want to take it back out and drink it. It’s a nice day! You should go out on the curb and sit and drink it."

I turned to Max and said, "Why not. Let’s just do it. It’ll be funny." And I was really curious about the wine. After the wrap party I noticed something different about the hotel desk. After a moment I shouted and pointed. "There’s a bottle of wine!" accompanied by a nice thank you note from Pixar. I really didn’t want to give up such a thoughtful gift.

"We’ll give you a pass so you don’t have to wait in the long line again." Wow, they gave us cups and a special pass. I’m going to put wine in my bag every time I check luggage!

So out we went. Now how to open this bottle? We certainly aren’t able to travel with a corkscrew. So we found the pointiest item we could — car keys. It worked pretty well actually — except the grip wasn’t strong enough to pull out the cork. So we tried to just mash the cork up and deal with it in the wine. To no avail. So Max put the bottle down on the floor while I steadied the bottle, and he pushed down on the key slightly with his foot.

And then we heard the sound of popping, bursting glass. I was afraid to look down. I thought the entire bottle had crumbled. In fact, only the neck broke without very much mess at all. The cork had been pushed down and no wine was spilled. It was suprising how well it worked out. And I’m pretty sure we didn’t swallow any glass.

There were a couple of airport employees watching from afar, and they had grins on their faces when we looked up. The wine was absolutely delicious, and the flight home was great!